Saturday, July 2, 2011

Turn Your "Should"s into "Can"s

I was recently taught a very good lesson by my husband.  There I was, complaining about something I felt I had to do that day.  He said, "You're thinking of it wrong.  Instead of saying 'I have to', try saying, 'I get to'".
Hm.  Well, that does make a difference, doesn't it? 

When we take the word "should" out of the equation, and replace it with "can", a whole world of possibilities opens up.  Instead of I "should" see one more client who called right before closing, when I "should" get home, it becomes I "can" see another client.  It's my choice, and it's a win-win.  Whatever I decide is a great opportunity!  Oh, that feels so much better. 

Instead of I "should" go to yoga today, it becomes I "can".  Oh, much better!  I "should" read this book because my best friend said so.  Umph, that's oppressive, and I'm going to resist it.  I "can" read this book and learn these neat things my friend is talking about.  Yay!

Someone who is stopping drinking is probably telling themselves, "I should stop drinking".  That's hard!  How about they try, "I can decide to stop drinking".  Much better.  That's empowering.  Instead of "I should address these issues", it becomes "I can decide to address these issues."  You are in charge.

Most of us are hardwired to resist change.  Powerful results happen when you allow yourself to be where and how you are right now, instead of nagging yourself with your "shoulds".  Acceptance allows change, whereas most of us will fight against being told what we should do.  Acceptance feels good.  To get to where you want to go, you first find out where you are and become okay with that.  (How do I do this, you ask?  EFT!  Or, just look in the mirror a few times a day and say "I love you" until you feel it.  You shouldn't do it.  You can if you want to.)

There are way too many should's in our lives.  Try replacing it with can, and feel how empowering it can be.  It replaces fear and guilt with options and self-confidence.  You can do it if you like, but it is absolutely up to you.